Press release from Death's Grip Record's CEO, YA BOY Josh Howes:

YO THE MOST LETHAL DOSE IN COLLABORATION WITH YA BOY DG HAVE COME TOGETHER TO BRING 10” OF HIGHLY DEVELOPED MOTHERFUCKER SHIT FROM ADELAIDE’S DA WEIGHT. MAN I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHIT, I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT THE DUDES IN THE BAND. LIKE THE TIME THEY STAYED AT MY HOUSE FOR A WEEKEND AND SAID, NO WORD OF A LIE, NO MORE THAN 27 WORDS THE ENTIRE WEEKEND AND I LITERALLY THOUGHT THEY HATED ME BECAUSE I TALKED THE ENTIRE TIME ABOUT BULLSHIT BECAUSE I COULDN’T DEAL WITH THE THICK SMOG OF AWKWARDNESS SLOWLY CHOKING ME AS I SHOWED THEM ALL THE WONDERS BRISBANE HAD TO OFFER, THE RIFFS THAT THEY HAD LAID BEFORE ME WHICH HAS SOME HOW MANAGED TO CAPTURE THE BEST ASPECTS OF COUNTLESS GENRES AND SEAMLESSLY COMBINED THEM INTO THIS ALL KNOWING, ALL LOATHING MUSICAL ENTITY AND LASTLY DECIPHERING WHAT IT IS BEN WAS TRYING TO TELL ME WITH HIS WORDS, THESE WORDS OF FESTERING DISCONTENT AND UNCOMPROMISING DISAPPROVAL WITH THE WORLD AROUND HIM AND THE SHORTSIGHTED NATURE OF THE PEOPLE THAT RUN THIS COUNTRY AND FUCK, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THESE 18 MINUTES OF HEAVY, EMOTIONAL, THOUGHT PROVOKING SHIT.

I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK, I DIDN’T KNOW HOW I FELT, I WASN’T EVEN SURE IF I WAS SMART ENOUGH TO BE MENTALLY COMPREHENDING WHAT HAD BEEN DELIVERED TO MY EARS.
AFTER CAREFUL DELIBERATION, A QUICK SLASH ON WORK TIME AND LASTLY A TRIP TO THE BAKERY WHEREBY A LARGE TUCKSHOP ARMED LADY WITH A MOLE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HER TOP LIP ACCIDENTALLY SPAT ON MY PIE AS SHE ASKED ME TO EXCHANGE MY HARD EARNED $5 NOTE FOR MY NOW SPIT LADEN LUNCH THAT IT STRUCK ME, THIS IS THE BLACKFOREST CAKE OF HARDCORE. IT’S FUCKING TASTY AND IT’S SOME RICH, DECADENT, HIGHLY DEVELOPED, LAYERED SHIT. THERE IS SO MUCH FLAVA THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HAS HIT YO BUDS. THE FIRST TIME I HAD BLACKFOREST CAKE I LOOKED AT IT LIKE “WTF IS THIS CRAP?” BUT I ATE IT ANYWAYS, PARTLY BECAUSE I WASN’T A FUCKING COWARD BUT MAINLY BECAUSE THE KINDA CUTE GIRL AT THE BAKERY WITH HELL NORKS HAD GIVEN IT TO ME FOR FREE WITH THE OTHER SHIT I HAD PURCHASED. SHE ALSO FAILED TO CHARGE ME CORRECTLY, I WOULD ALWAYS GIVE HER $20, ORDER $8.20 WORTH OF SHIT AND RECEIVE $19 CHANGE, INITIALLY I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST AN IDIOT BUT AFTER A QUICK CONSULTATION WITH SOME HOMIES I WORKED (OF WHICH ONE IS NOW MY ROMANTIC PARTNER LOL) WITH IT BECAME EVIDENT THAT SHE WAS GIVEN A PIECE O’DAT CAUSE SHE WANTED A PIECE O’DIS ASS. I NEVER PURSUED THE BAKERY GIRL ROMANTICALLY AND WHETHER IT WAS DUE TO MY LACK OF EMOTIONAL/ROMANTIC RECIPROCATION OR SOME OTHER UNKNOWN FACTORS, SHE DID NOT WORK AT THE BAKERY MUCH LONGER AND MY BANK BALANCE SIGNIFICANTLY SUFFERED (ETERNALLY) FOR IT. HOWEVER, IF IT WASN’T FOR THAT CHAIN OF HIGHLY HORMONAL, YET RELATIVELY UNEVENTFUL TEEN SEX DRIVE ACTIVITY BY WHICH A WELL ENDOWED YOUNG BAKERY ASSISTANT TOOK INTEREST IN KMART WARATAH’S FAVORITE SON, I NEVER WOULD HAVE EATEN BLACK FOREST CAKE AND WE WOULD NOT BE INDILUGING IN THIS VERBOSE, STORY TELLING, WORD WANK ANALOGY.

ANYWAYS TO GET BACK TO THE FUCKING POINT, BLACK FUCKING FOREST CAKE IS SOME RICH SHIT, ITS GOT A LIL BIT OF EVERYTHING IN MONGST IT AND IT’S THE FUCKING GOODS, THIS RECORD IS THE FUCKING GOODS. A LOT OF YOU BASTARDS ARE PROBABLY THINKING, “FUCK BLACKFOREST CAKE, THAT SHIT IS FOR OLD PEOPLE WHO CANT SHIT REGULARLY AND PUT PRUNES IN THEIR OATS WHILST WATCHING KOCHIE ON THE MORNING SHOW IN THEIR OLD PEOPLE’S HOMES WHILST THEY SLOWLY WITHER AND DIE.” MAYBE YOURE RIGHT, MY GRANDMA IS 90 YEARS OLD AND SHE LOVES BLACK FOREST CAKE AND SHE LOVES PRUNES AND SHE GETS EXCITED ABOUT BEING REGULAR TO THE BATHROOM AND YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU, AT 90 YEARS OLD YOUD BE EXCITED ABOUT THAT SHIT TOO. IF YOU WAKE UP AT 90 AND YOU ARENT DEAD AND HAVENT SHIT YOURSELF IN YOUR SLEEP YOU DESERVE TO BE FUCKING EXCITED ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS AN UTTER WANKER. CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING 90 YEARS OLD, THAT WILD SHIT, IMAGINE THE SHIT YOU WOULDA FUCKING SEEN IN THAT TIME. MY GRANDMA LIVED THROUGH A WORLD WAR, COLOR TV, ROCKETS INTO SPACE AND THE INTERNET, SHE USED TO RIDE A HORSE TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY. SHE ALSO USED TO HAVE THIS ROCK IN HER BACKYARD AND WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND NEEDED TO PISS SHE WOULD LET ME PISS ON THE ROCK IN THE BACKYARD AND THEN FOR MY 21ST BIRTHDAY SHE GAVE ME THAT ROCK WITH A HAND WRITTEN NOTE ON IT THAT SAID “PIDDLE STONE”, I LIKE TO THINK THAT’S A METAPHOR FOR SOME SHIT BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT, THE ROCK LIVES IN THE BOTTOM OF MY DRESSER, YOU CAN COME TO MY HOUSE AND I CAN SHOW YOU THAT SHIT IF YOU WANT, I THINK SHE WASHED IT BEFORE SHE GAVE IT TO ME BUT I AM ALSO NOT SURE AND HAVE NOT WASHED IT MYSELF SO MAYBE THE METAPHOR IS THAT LIFE IS PISS AND YOU HAVE TO BE A ROCK AND ETERNALLY SUFFER THE SLOW DECAY OF LIFE/PISS IN THE BOTTOM OF A DRESSER, IF SO THAT IS HARD/REAL SHIT. OLD PEOPLE ARE HARD AS SHIT MAN, THEY DIDN’T HAVE WHACK SHIT LIKE HEATED LEATHER SEATS OR WEBMD TO GOOGLE WHEN THEY HAD WEIRD BUMPS ON THEIR BALLS, THEY JUST TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS.

SO IF OLD PEOPLE LIKE BLACK FOREST CAKE THEN BLACK FOREST CAKE IS FUCKING DOPE AND IF YOU DISAGREE THEN FUCK YOU PUSSY, IF YOURE GOING TO DENY YOURSELF THE RICH AND FORBIDDEN FLAVORS OF THE BLACKFOREST THEN YOU ARE A COWARD AND UNWORTHY OF THIS CARB LOADED, BAKED GARDEN OF EDEN.

LISTEN TO SUFFER ETERNAL THE BLACK FOREST CAKE OF AUSTRALIAN HARDCORE.

/100 TRANSPARENT AS FUCK VINYL
/200 BLACK AS FUCK VINYL

YER. 618 RULES ALL FOREVER AND A DAY 2014, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!